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so the past seven days have been quite the ride for me. i learned that sometimes being helpful may be seen as a threat and that not everyone is an accurate reporter of what happened. there are some relationships, that sick as they may be, are so set in stone, that the appearance of trying to break that bind is enough to trigger a mudslide of unintended consequences. i also got the answer to where those we used to see in the rooms, are now and exactly what they are doing. all of this is enough to send me back into my withdrawal from the local fellowship with extreme prejudice, HOWEVER, i have the feeling that is not the direction m y path is supposed to take these days. no as this set of steps has been all about my relationship with society and learning to be less of a social retard, i see that i am SUPPOSED to be learning about the society that affects me the most, namely the local fellowship, and how to be a participation within that group of humans.
of course, so far i have not got anywhere close to the whole concept of dreams and using dreams. this has been a long wind-up to that topic. what i took away from the reading this morning, is that dreams, as well as how people act, react and interact with ,me, are all opportunities for me to learn something. using dreams are just part of that package, and when i have one that i remember it is not about the using at all, it is about some aspect in my life that may be tipping towards that point. i certainly have enough friends that once shared recovery with me, that are out there using, so IF i wanted to, i would know where to go. so opportunity is always present, it is the motive, or my motive that is in question here, and when i have a using dream, i can certainly spend some time, looking to my spiritual fitness. i do not see another inventory question in this little exercise this morning, but i do see a growing awareness, that maybe the time has come to move along towards STEP ELEVEN. as i am more certain of what i have been doing in my daily affairs, the time has come once again to deepen my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery and move forward.
life is so messy, and there are certainly times when i wish i could once again check-out of being human again. those are also the times when the using dreams come, and the danger in those dreams, is i almost always actually use. for me, most of the time, i attempt to use in my dreams and get thwarted in my efforts to do so. on those rare occasions, where i do use in my dreams, i know that i have sum 'splainin' to do.
anyhow i have to get rolling, no using dreams last night, so i guess i am on the correct path spiritually, at least for right now.

∞ DT ∞