โ i am grateful for the compassion i have been shown, โ
Posted: Sun, Oct 5, 2014 11:56:09 AM
and will offer mercy to others.
so there certainly has to be a morning after, and my morning after is not to bad. i am going to have to do some major manuring to get my automated jobs to run tomorrow, but i will have a few minutes later this evening to give it a whirl. ironically, the mercy i need to show today is for the celebrants at last night's festivities. i can remember being on of those suffering from a “big head” after free drinks at a wedding, as i would have been one of those who could barely walk across the parking lot to get in a car. today, well today, i have had breakfast, tried to fix the problem with my remote machine in Colorado, and am now leisurely writing this little ditty.
certainly i want to cast myself as a victim, as i was taught to do in treatment. it seems that the last thing treatment wants me to do, is to take a serious look at what my responsibility is, in the harm i did in active addiction. from what i hear coming out of the mouths of babes, namely the FNGs that are fresh out of treatment, that has not changed. not being a professional, i have no idea what the theory they are working with is all about, but what i hear, over and over again, is how much of a victim they all have been and what they are entitled to, now that they are clean. i really hate to break the sad news that in reality, they are only a victim in their own head, actually they volunteered for their current brand of misery. worse yet, no one, is entitled to anything, and certainly not the so-called promises that they somehow heard referred to in another program. so kindly and with as much compassion i can muster, i often let them know, those very eye-popping facts of life. the HOPE of the program, is not for justice or return of all that i lost, it is that today, just for today, i am not a slave to addiction, as manifest by the most apparent symptoms, namely the rampant use of drugs. that FREEDOM in and of itself is quite the reward for doing this gig, one day at a time.
the day beckons, and it is time to head on out and be as kind as i can be, to those i shared an event with last night.
so there certainly has to be a morning after, and my morning after is not to bad. i am going to have to do some major manuring to get my automated jobs to run tomorrow, but i will have a few minutes later this evening to give it a whirl. ironically, the mercy i need to show today is for the celebrants at last night's festivities. i can remember being on of those suffering from a “big head” after free drinks at a wedding, as i would have been one of those who could barely walk across the parking lot to get in a car. today, well today, i have had breakfast, tried to fix the problem with my remote machine in Colorado, and am now leisurely writing this little ditty.
certainly i want to cast myself as a victim, as i was taught to do in treatment. it seems that the last thing treatment wants me to do, is to take a serious look at what my responsibility is, in the harm i did in active addiction. from what i hear coming out of the mouths of babes, namely the FNGs that are fresh out of treatment, that has not changed. not being a professional, i have no idea what the theory they are working with is all about, but what i hear, over and over again, is how much of a victim they all have been and what they are entitled to, now that they are clean. i really hate to break the sad news that in reality, they are only a victim in their own head, actually they volunteered for their current brand of misery. worse yet, no one, is entitled to anything, and certainly not the so-called promises that they somehow heard referred to in another program. so kindly and with as much compassion i can muster, i often let them know, those very eye-popping facts of life. the HOPE of the program, is not for justice or return of all that i lost, it is that today, just for today, i am not a slave to addiction, as manifest by the most apparent symptoms, namely the rampant use of drugs. that FREEDOM in and of itself is quite the reward for doing this gig, one day at a time.
the day beckons, and it is time to head on out and be as kind as i can be, to those i shared an event with last night.
∞ DT ∞