โ i realize i do not really want justice โ
Posted: Sat, Oct 5, 2013 10:13:05 AM
not for myself, and not for others. what i want is mercy. well sometimes, i think i want justice, just saying! :)
seriously, though, this morning as i gaze out my hotel window at the mountains here at the resort, i wonder was it really mercy that got me here. justice, was probably served seventeen years ago, when my path towards recovery was set before me. yes, it took the better part of a year, before i actually and quite reluctantly started this journey. screaming, kicking and wailing about how unfair this all was, is how i came into recovery, and today, well u kick, scream and wail so much less.
looking out at the fresh snow on the ski slopes, i accept, that the path of recovery was the merciful way. yes, there was a price to pay, way back when, and even though i got snitched out for my part, i can see, that had i chose to go another direction, that three year probation sentence, would have turned into a life sentence, on top of the sentence i had already been given, that of the life of active addiction. in a very real sense, i got mercy twice, i found a manner of living that has brought me to the mountains with my friends and peers in recovery, and one where the first thing i did not do this morning, was hit a little sumthin' sumthin', just to get right with the world.
where this takes me, is back to the past few weeks and the pain and anger have finally started to let go of. yes, i want that fVcker to get what is coming to him, but mercy is really what he deserves, especially from me. this doing nothing gig, as hard as it is for me, has brought me to a place where giving him my mercy, seems like the next right thing to do. he may not be patiently waiting for my response, but it is patience on my part that is allowing me to come to terms with what i will and will not do. the next right thing today? grab a shower, get my act together and head on over to convention, and enjoy some fun, fellowship and yes mercy, because this is where i can almost always find it.
seriously, though, this morning as i gaze out my hotel window at the mountains here at the resort, i wonder was it really mercy that got me here. justice, was probably served seventeen years ago, when my path towards recovery was set before me. yes, it took the better part of a year, before i actually and quite reluctantly started this journey. screaming, kicking and wailing about how unfair this all was, is how i came into recovery, and today, well u kick, scream and wail so much less.
looking out at the fresh snow on the ski slopes, i accept, that the path of recovery was the merciful way. yes, there was a price to pay, way back when, and even though i got snitched out for my part, i can see, that had i chose to go another direction, that three year probation sentence, would have turned into a life sentence, on top of the sentence i had already been given, that of the life of active addiction. in a very real sense, i got mercy twice, i found a manner of living that has brought me to the mountains with my friends and peers in recovery, and one where the first thing i did not do this morning, was hit a little sumthin' sumthin', just to get right with the world.
where this takes me, is back to the past few weeks and the pain and anger have finally started to let go of. yes, i want that fVcker to get what is coming to him, but mercy is really what he deserves, especially from me. this doing nothing gig, as hard as it is for me, has brought me to a place where giving him my mercy, seems like the next right thing to do. he may not be patiently waiting for my response, but it is patience on my part that is allowing me to come to terms with what i will and will not do. the next right thing today? grab a shower, get my act together and head on over to convention, and enjoy some fun, fellowship and yes mercy, because this is where i can almost always find it.
∞ DT ∞