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when i got to the program i was sure that i was a victim of a cruel joke. after all i did not have any problems and certainly not the disease of addiction. i was angry and all i wanted was retribution for all the pain everyone and everything in this world had inflicted on me since i was born. i was certain that i had absolutely no part in my problems and could easily cast blame elsewhere. i viewed recovery as some cruel and unusual punishment for things beyond my power.
well after some time clean i came to the realization that not only did i suffer from the disease of addiction, most of the living problems were the direct result of BAD behaviors arising from my disease. slowly my anger faded to regret and remorse and i became afraid of getting justice. what i got was the mercy of the program and the unconditional love of those who were here before me. i got the MERCY of RECOVERY.
today i try and practice the same compassion and love that was present for me when i got here. i no longer seek justice and have come to see that in reality there really is very little justice in the world. this lack of justice is replaced by my HIGHER POWER'S loving mercy as demonstrated daily throughout my life. it is my task to embrace and extend the gift of mercy through being present and empathetic to those i happen to encounter in the course of living each day. am i some sort of saint? of course not, but i do strive to be more godlike by doing the next right thing, the best i can today.
-- DT --