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was a dependence beyond my worst nightmares. being clean, certainly has it rewards, over the past five days i got some new family, saw San Juan Capistrano and got to spend the day in Disneyland. the best part? well i was paid for being here. it has been one heck of a weekend, the price i paid was that i was unable to correctly diagnose and fix some problems for my parents at their plant, until yesterday. what that means is i have some catch-up to do once i land in Denver this afternoon.
where does all of this come from? well if i was a “GOD” guy, i would say from the blessings i get from belief. that, however, is not who i am, so this whole dependence on a HIGHER POWER, certainly has to take another tack. my long journey to FAITH, has instilled in me, a sense of partnership with something beyond my senses. there is some POWER that keeps me clean and fuels my recovery. there are opportunities in my life that i would not be able to see, much less grasp, if i was not clean. so for me, the dependence on which i have come to rely upon, is my recovery. since that recovery is fueled by a HIGHER POWER, a POWER i refer to as, the POWER that fuels my recovery, i guess i have become dependent upon that POWER as well.
here is where i could get all mystical and spiritual, and well, you know, i have gone about as deep as i can get. each and every day, it is up to me to look for those opportunities. each and every day, it is up to me to CHOOSE to be clean. each and every day for me to establish and strengthen my relationship with that POWER and the fellowship that has led me to this place. after forty years of wandering without any direction, living life with some any direction is something that i still marvel at, even after seventeen years clean. i never realized what i lacked before i got clean. it really is not much different about the sense of wonderment, someone may get watching a television for the first time. i thought it was some sort of magic that was keeping them clean. i superstitiously worshiped what they said was the POWER that kept them clean and adopted much of the ceremony and rituals, they practiced. as i stayed clean, and came to my senses, i began my journey to where i am today, more sane, more secure and certainly a better person than i have ever been before.
a miracle? why not. blessings? if you insist. a path to sanity? certainly!
it is however time to get rolling on the journey home, to my friends, to my family, to my peers and to our little dawg, Daisy. it is a good day to be clean!

∞ DT ∞