Blog entry for:

letting go and letting the process work, seems to be my current mode. today, right here, right now i am not suffering from excessive guilt about anything. yes, i have tons of work that is way past due, but i am moving forward with doing the next right thing and will accomplish ths catch-up over the next week.
what is really on my mind is the procedure i am having tomorrow. after what i have been through the past ten months or so, having the GI doc look at what is going on inside of me takes on a whole new meaning. he will probably not find anything once again, which is a good thing. i will sleep off the effects of the procedure all day tomorrow and go to a meeting tomorrow night, as if nothing of consequence has happened.
the truth however is a bit different. there are times i actually look forward to having this procedure done, since my body does not know the difference between medication used by a doctor and drugs i take to doctor myself. so i will be walking a fine line tomorrow morning. my sponsor has suggested that i pray to ‘ NOT enjoy the experience ’ and i do believe i will follow that simple suggestion and let GOD take care of the rest. after all, I am not the one in charge here, i will get my rides to and from the doctor‘s office, and i will not drive my car tomorrow afternoon, just like i am supposed to do and do my best to allow the experience to be what it will be and not the start of a relapse.
∞ DT ∞