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are NOT links in an unbreakable chain!
it is quite ironic that a year ago i was ranting and raving about a co-worker and today, all the power i gave her was futile and unproductive. it was a waste of my energy and certainly a waste of my time. as i look back on it, i see no guilt, but plenty of remorse and could certainly use my behaviors from those days to beat myself up, and keep myself downtrodden in the “woe is me, will i ever get better;” mode of survival. ironically those days and behaviors provide me the experience i need to help out on of the men i sponsor, as he deals with emotional train wreck that is sometimes wrought by the formal working of STEP FOUR. before i go one, a quick shout out:

David M
Congrats on 2556
'Just For Todays' in a row
Keep Comin' Back

i live in the real world most days, and because of that, i certainly do things, say things or live in a manner that is downright reprehensible at times. although my definition of what is reprehensible and what is not has certainly been altered since the days when using every day was part of who i was. today, sometimes just being an a$$hole in traffic is enough to trigger that and others, well on those days, such as a year ago, i want to burn the whole fVcking place down and dance on the bones of my oppressors. ah yes, the wonderment of situational ethics at its best!
today, while not ecstatic about my current job, i am not in a bad place about it either. i feel that i am being well-compensated, although it will never be enough. spiritually, i am finishing up this phase of the flux caused by the upheaval of my belief system and how i interact with THAT which keeps me clean. physically? well, i certainly cannot wait get get my benefits rolling so i can get some stuff done, such as, getting my teeth finally back up to the state i would like them to remain in. emotionally and mentally, i am actually in a place where when my friends reach the streets, i can act with the forgiveness that i truly feel and develop relationships based on respect and equality.
guilt and remorse? not a whole lot shakin' there today and for that i am glad. we will see what today may bring.

∞ DT ∞