Blog entry for:

of creative action is not something i consider in my daily journey, so when i stumbled across it this morning, i got to consider something that slips my mind, most of the time. what is that, one might ask, well it is the notion that i no longer need to hide behind the wreckage of my destructive past. part of my creative action, at least so far this morning was to make it to the office without incident, with more than a half a cigar that still is smokable and a pulse rate that never screamed up into the nineties. in other words, i allowed traffic to do what it would do and did not take inventory on the actions and behaviors of any of those with whom i shared I-25, this morning. quite a feat for this addict!
before i get to far down this rabbit hole…

David M.
Congrats on XV (15) years clean.

when i consider how i am feeling these days, about myself and my place in the world, i see that i have come quite a distance from those early days of mere abstinence. where there once was a wall of denial, there is now a mere “blackout curtain” attempting to block out the light of what it feels like to being in the here and now. i know that the part of me i call addiction is still active in my life and no matter how hard i attempt to ignore, defy or deny that fact, i always end up in the same place, making a decision of whether or not i will live a purposeful life based on the spiritual principles i have been taught, or if i will cave into my base desires and do something i WILL regret, even if i do not get caught doing it. when i was writing my friend who is a ward oof the state, yesterday afternoon, the one thing i wanted to impress upon him, and it applies to me as well, is that taking responsibility for acting impulsively can no longer be blamed on anyone, or anything but my conscious self. as hard as that is to swallow, it is part and parcel of taking creative action, rather than allowing life to flow past me and accepting the default results. i may be powerless over most everything else in the world, but i do have the power to choose my actions, in the here and now.
as i come to the end of this particular journey to the center of my being, such as it is, i am grateful that i can choose between destruction or construction of my life and well-being today. living in a creative solution, rather than in the depths of my addiction was what i chose when i woke up this morning and what i continue to choose in the here and now. looking for answers for the questions i have yet to ask, is really not a bad philosophy in this minute, so i think it is time to get some coffee, post this little ditty and see what i can do to be constructive, just for today.

∞ DT ∞