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so here is my $0.02 on the whole gratitude thing.
the reading points out in a very Captain Obvious manner, that is is easy to be grateful for events and things that please me. like, really? it goes on to say that even when my life is not chock full of very desirable and pleasing events i still NEED to find a way in which to be grateful, and a gratitude list is one of those means to uncovering that latent gratitude.
so now that i have regurgitated what i read, what do i think about it? well, on the surface it seems like a “don't worry, be happy” kind of notion. something similar to my Mom telling me to smile, nothing could possibly be that bad. yes, it sounds like i NEED to spin my world back into a “positive” direction and pretend i am content with the way things are, which, at least in my opinion, is not only disingenuous but downright dishonest. i spent decades practicing looking good and pretending everything was alright. today, i am learning how to live in a new manner so faking it, in any sense of that notion, is not part of my repertoire of desired behaviors today.
once i dug down and actually listened to what the reading was saying to me, you know with my heart and not my head, what i heard was that no matter what the world throws in my direction, i NEED to find a way to accept it for what it is, and look for the bits of my life that are not so bad. first most on my list of things i am grateful for, is another day clean and a connection with the POWER that fuels my recovery. those two things are necessary for me to be grateful and on the really bad days, even sufficient. being grateful does not mean i have to lie about what i am feeling or keep my opinions about how i am being treated to myself. nor does it mean i have to be happy about my current situation. i am not some sort of saint or 'JOB' like person who will take anything that comes down the pike and say “thank you sir, thy will be done.” no i wail, whine and gnash my teeth at the injustice and unfairness of it all and after i express my displeasure loudly and often in less than pristine language, then and only then, can i start to take inventory of what i do have left in my life to be grateful for, today. i make no bones or pretensions about who i am. once upon a time i wanted my peers to see me as some sort of spiritual guru, today i want them to see me as i am. oh i can still talk the talk and act as if i can accept everything that happens. i can say all this bright and shiny bullsh!t and appear to be stoic and unfazed, but i choose not to, because what i believe is who i want to be is genuine, in all my affairs. i will leave the acting and spinning to others, who feel it is there place to present a “positive report,” because that i am not one of those Stuart Smalley types.
am i grateful today? you betcha! i am on this side of the grass and i have things to do, people to see and places to go, and it is ONLY because of the recovery i have found in the fellowship that keeps me clean.

∞ DT ∞