Blog entry for:

over the past few days i have been dealing with so-called normies and their river of denial. the fact that they refuse to see the end of something and cling tenaciously to the old, worn-out and comfortable, because they are afraid or whatever is so familiar to me, i want to say ME TO! the simple fact is, change is hard, and i have seen many a good addict relapse when they face the magnitude of the change that will be occurring in their lives. for some reason, the relapse step for the men i have sponsored over the years is STEP SIX, even though the assured me that they held no reservations back in STEP ONE. i get that notion as well. looking at my defects of character is never pleasant. what is worse, is trying to figure out what i will be like, if and when they are all removed. using seems like a reasonable alternative, because i am afraid of that change. i have a reservation about the unknown shape of who i will be, and it is better to use, and hope to come back and start over, rather than face reality.
this exercise is however, not about someone else, but about me. what i am feeling today, is disrespected, ignored and put down. someone does not want to change to they go above my head, whining about how unfair life is and even though it may cost something, can they pretty please with sugar on top not have to change at all costs. as much as i would like to say that i am free of the same behavior, i am not. i can be childish and petulant, but in the long run, i will have to allow the changes of life to wash over me, and stand strong. as i write this i see how change is what i fear the most or the behaviors of others would not strike such a strong chord in me. the fact is, the changes that have been manifest within me, as a result of the program,. have left me a much better person. what i once thought was broken beyond repair, i now see being healed. what i once feared the most, has been shown to be blown far out of proportion. what i thought i could not or would not handle clean, i have been able to walk through and face it.when i feel uncertain, i have a FAITH in a POWER that fuels my recovery, on which to rely.
it is true, there may be events in my life, yet to come, that it will be a struggle to stay clean through. when that day comes, hopefully i will have enough recovery to walk through it without using, one more day.

∞ DT ∞