Blog entry for:

often repeatedly, between confidence and humility, patience and action, faith and persistence. a year ago i was all sorts of struggling against what seemed to be my life in ashes, considering whether a cigarette or ten would be a good reaction to the stress i was feeling. i had all sorts of pressure in my life and fully grown adult-children refusing to step up and do what the rest of the world does. oh the excuses flew and i listened to the incessant whining about this and that, all the while i was stymied at every bend in the road. looking back at that time from this vantage point, i can see what i lacked was the flexibility to respond to those obstacles, as they were not being removed, no matter how hard i tried to cajole them into compliance with my plans. i did accomplish what i needed to do, without a single cigarette, but certainly more than my share of angst as those immovable objects resisted to the very end.
today, as i prepare to face this day, my source material takes on a differnt meaning. as i sat this morning, i first pondered my project at work. for those first few minutes i was writing code in my head, which did me little good and probably contributed to the 1 point drain on my body battery. after i finally let that go, what i felt was a sense of accomplishment and a certainty that today, i might actually be capable of letting go of something in the here and now, and pick it up at the correct moment in time. once upon a time, not all that long ago, i would have continued to fret and fum and hash out a plan in my head about what i would be doing whilst i was on the clock at work. i have lost many nights sleep in the grip of that obsession. i know what i heard this morning and i will apply it, when i get back to working again.
it is time, however, to get moving into my day. if i want to get my project done this morning, and i do, and if i want to get my workout done, which i also want to do, then it is time to sum up what it is i am feeling. being focused to the point of obsession, is not necessarily a bad thing, when i am pounding away at code. when i am anywhere else, well perhaps i need to allow myself to be in that moment, with what is going on around me, which right here and right now is getting out and about to proceed on my journey to a sub 55 minute 10K! 🥳

∞ DT ∞