Blog entry for:

through whatever life brings me, is certainly a great goal, just for today. what about tomorrow and the days that follow? there are certainly more than a few looming events in my life, that i am going to need to accept: my aging parents and their increasing needs, the end of my current job, a long postponed trip to Ireland, to name a few. any or all of those could certainly provide me the excuse i “need” to justify a little dab will do me. expressing my FEAR about the uncertain future, is not a bad idea on any day and the reading this morning, brought this topic to the top of my mind. the good news is that i have the ways and means to live through the litany of my FEARS, without having to use. the bad news? well some of the time, life on its own terms, just sucks.
taking a page from my recovery playbook, i can say without any reservation, that IF i choose to use, it will “feel” like a spur of the moment decision, when in actuality i had planned it all out. it also will not be, as some of my peers have stated, “i just used a little bit and i did not even get high.” no IF i relapse, it will be a full-blown one and i will make sure that i get the relief i am seeking, in that scenario. i have never been one that does anything, especially using, half-way.
in all seriousness though, i do not have the desire to use today. i do have stuff in my life that could use a bit of “correction” to better meet my expectations. i can rant, rail, wail and gnash my teeth over those less that stellar aspects of my life, OR i can just accept things as they are, and lean on the POWER that fuels my recovery to giver me whatever i need, to muddle through, just for today.

∞ DT ∞