Blog entry for:

once again, i find myself making a list, perhaps this time, FAITH in the program that has given me this new manner of living might be on the very top, followed closely by the man who is my sponsor, and the men who call me their sponsor. yes all of those certainly need to be there, but what i am truly most grateful for this morning is the fact that i have only had “breakthrough pain, ” once since my procedure yesterday and the NSAID prescription strength medication seems to be doing the trick for now.
looking back at my post yesterday, i made a comment of the behavior of other members, based on what i saw. i assumed the worst, instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt. i could make an excuse, but i certainly hate when others think i am doing something i am not, because they perceive what i am doing as a return to a pattern of behavior that is not spiritual. i do know this, there have been more than a few times in my life and in my recovery, where what i saw was not what was really going on, yes even i make a mistake or three on a daily basis. the beauty of the TENTH STEP is that allows me to see where i may or may not have been all that i wanted to be all day, every day. i am grateful for the feedback i receive from that process.
what i also learned yesterday, over the course of my day, which was full of a few twists and turns,m is that i can, once again, take a narcotic medication for pain, as directed, for the minimal amount of time, in the prescribed dosage and be patient enough to wait for the results. the procedure i had done yesterday was a bloody and grueling one, and being awake and experiencing it,w as more than a bit disconcerting. i remember the FEAR and ANXIETY i felt, when i could feel the pressure but not any pain, as the DR was in there grinding, scraping, reshaping and smoothing my teeth below the gum line. when i got home and my mouth was still bleeding my concern rose to the level of worry, worry and more worry. i was in a state of “what if,” and “i should have.” after i sat and took care of myself before i went to bed, that whole sense of concern and worry was removed, as i moved into to place of accepting what i needed to accept, namely that the DR did his best, now it is up to me to do my best to follow the post-operative directions. looking at the long-term benefits of my decision of saving my teeth, i am now beginning to feel a bit of gratitude for moving forward with this process. i can say, with great confidence, that five years ago, i would not have had a whole lot of FAITH in this process, as i was not motivated to do my part to maintain my teeth, in fact i was ready to let them all drop out of my head and replace them with teeth i can soak in water overnight. i am not sure what changed inside of me, and i am grateful that before i started the process i am undergoing, my change of heart had moved from my head to my heart and i am willing to devote my time and effort into keeping the teeth that i have.
so i guess, summing it all up, i am grateful for the changes that have been manifest in me. i am grateful for those in my life who support and care for me. most of all i am grateful that the POWER that fuels my recovery is still an active part of my day, just for today.

∞ DT ∞