Blog entry for:

quite an interesting concept. most days one i do not even consider. can i really walk through life without a connection to the divine, or at least something beyond explanation that always seem present?
well certainly i have come to believe that some POWER gives me the ability to stay clean, that evidence is around me every day. even with the greatest determination and using every mote of strength i could muster, before hooking up with the fellowship and learning to depend on some sort of POWER, i could not stay clean for any length of time, much less years on end. i now know that my aversion to anything outside the rational and profane, was a reaction to the religious trappings some wrap around the concept of any HIGHER POWER, that misunderstanding nearly was my demise, but the struggle to reconcile what i saw with what i knew to be true, has led me to a path of FAITH, that still is beyond anything i ever thought was possible. putting it in those terms, i guess i am grateful, for this journey to FAITH and although it would be wonderful to think otherwise, there is no mystery here, just plain results. i GET the power to STAY clean on a daily basis, because i have a belief system that encompasses more than i can see, feel, touch, taste or hear. i have a path that is outside of my wants and desires, but gives me gifts beyond my wildest dreams. i have the means today to become more than i ever thought was possible and i have a forum where i can express that gratitude that doles not entail ritual or intercession by someone else. i can forgive myself and accept the forgiveness of others, even as i am forgiving them. i can accept love for others AND AS I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND, return that love without conditions or reservations. my capacity to love is not some sort of well, but rather a conduit of energy from the POWER that keeps me clean and the world around me. as such, there is no limit to how much love i can give or receive.
so enough rah, rah sis, boom bah, already! i know that i get on these kicks from time to time and i also know it gets boring to hear or read. there is not some sort of mysterious plan for me, i GET the knowledge and wisdom i need, when i allow myself to be open to what that POWER is trying to tell me. there is no predestination, although everything that has happened since i came to this world, was necessary to get me to right here and right now. i can and will quietly celebrate my connection today on this the NINTH anniversary of the night that Kathy and i actually got together and started our joined journey through life as a couple. it is what it is, and i GET to celebrate yet another day in recovery, BECAUSE of my connection with a POWER that fuels my recovery.
this morning as stressed as i am, and as scared as i am, that i will not measure up, i can be certain that the path i am on, is the path that will lead me to a new improved me, and that is the whole point, just for today.

∞ DT ∞