Blog entry for:

have been considering this reading for a bit now and something that was shared at a meeting last night came back to me. when i was using, my dealers were my higher powers and i was always so, so grateful when they finally came through with whatever i happened to need right then and there, even when it was not quite what i ordered. i never took for them for granted and did everything i needed to, to stay in their good graces. this does not mean i that i always practiced integrity in that relationship, i would lie, manipulate, cheat and hide when i lacked the resources to cover my needs but i made sure that they were top of the list when it came time to settle, to insure my uninterrupted supply.
continuing down the same path, although i express my gratitude for being clean on a daily basis i do so without thinking. i write a short gratitude list every day and very rarely does my connection with the divine appear on that list. and now here i sit thinking about why i should be grateful to THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, and the nature of my side of that relationship and i realize that it is quite similar to my connections to the powers that kept me well when i was using.
what exactly should i be grateful for this morning? the reading suggests that i express my gratitude for the connection itself, and the gifts i have received through that connection. and that opens up a whole new can of worms, what exactly have i gotten through my new connection?

• well for starters, a brand new life without the physical necessity to use substances every single day.
• a life that is full of people that care for me and truly want me to be more than i am
• a life where i can look myself in the eye in the mirror and not be ashamed of the man i see there
• a life that i am willing to share with another person on a level of intimacy that was beyond my comprehension
• a life that allows me to live without looking over my shoulder, wondering when i was going to get busted for the last scam i pulled
• AND MOST OF ALL -- a connection to the world beyond my physical senses!

i could dismiss the influence of THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, by saying that all of this is coincidence and the result of the work i have done on myself using the tools provided by the fellowship in which i choose to recover, and truthfully some days i do go there, but today i am not in the mood to deal with deep philosophical arguments about the nature of the mundane world and its interface with the divine, rather i am in the mood to accept what is and be grateful that whatever is out there has given me the opportunity to recover and become the sort of person i never thought was possible. one who lives a life practicing spiritual principles that diminish the negative effect my existence has on the world. and right here, right now that is more than enough to digest this early in my cup of coffee. perhaps as the day wears on, i will have a greater desire to contemplate the nature of divinity and its effect on me, or perhaps i will just accept and move on to what is in front of me. who knows? certainly not me!
∞ DT ∞