Blog entry for:

each day i stay clean, i can rejoice in the care of my Higher Power.
so a gratitude list is the suggestion this morning, so exactly what am i grateful for? wee lots of things, and i know that is a cop-out. however any list that i write today would hardly be exhaustive and would leave out probably some of the most important things that i am grateful for.

so here goes a very brief list:
• today i am grateful to be an addict, because without that i would have never received the gift of recovery
• i am grateful for the ability to love and be loved, and after four years in a relationship, i am grateful that she has yet to say she had=s had enough and decided to move on
• i am grateful for the ability to better see myself as i really am
• i am grateful for the care of a loving HIGHER POWER that provides for all my needs
• i am grateful for the ability to work for myself and still meet my recovery and financial responsibilities
• i am grateful for the men in my life who choose to allow me to guide them through their recover
• i am grateful for the friends i have made with whom i share my recovery
• and last but not least, i am grateful for a manner of living that is so beyond my wildest dreams that i still wonder who’s life this really is

so after a very brief look at what i can grateful for this morning, i wonder why i would ever take this gift for granted. why would i ever think that this way of life is to much work? why would the notion of using ever seem appealing to me?
well, i am very good at forgetting and altering my memories to fit an image of how good the days and nights were when i was using. lately, as i have progressed towards the end of my current step, i find myself experiencing the feelings that i had just before that fateful day when i used for the very first time. i do not like those feelings and i have managed to stuff them down deep until lately. i know the resurfacing of those ancient aves of emotion are a sign that i am finally ready to face a few of those issues and grow beyond them. i know some will say that i am grateful for being loved as a sign that i have self-esteem issues, be that as it may, i am becoming more comfortable with who i am, and i am sure someday i will be totally self-assured and without any self-esteem issues, but those days have yet to come and i am grateful that i have a path that will allow me to reach that destination and the care of a HIGHER POWER that will continue to provide what i need to get there!

∞ DT ∞