Blog entry for:

to service or how i learned to love being anonymous and selfless. okay i have to admit, i started serving at the group level, pretty quick after i started coming around and at the area service level before i came to recovery. after coming to recovery, i served in all sorts of positions across most levels of the service structure of my fellowship, but in all of that, i was neither anonymous or selfless. i wanted to make a mark and leave a legacy. it was not until i had a baker's dozen number of years clean that i decided to take a look at service to my fellowship and what it meant to me. i was far from pleased when i uncovered the fact that i had used service to define me and wrapped my self in a cloak of being the defender of the FAITH. not a pretty picture but certainly a wake-up call and one that brought me out of that spiritual coma of sorts and taught me the how to practice service with no expectation of return. it is not that i do not like yo get a pat on the back or acknowledgement of doing something, it is that i have grown to the point where that is almost embarrassing and i need to remember to respond with gracious thanks.
the saga of my Mom continues. her caregiver who does so well during the day, falls apart in the evening and sends off txts to my spouse full of her doubts about being up to the task. she is, IMHO, up to doing the herculean task of caring for my Mom as she declines and i keep telling her so. i know what it feels like to have to do stuff you do not feel as if i am skilled enough to do, for instance managing the end of my dad's life, which was foisted upon my by my Mom. yes, even though she is not doing well, there is a bit of resentment there still, but not enough to poison our relationship any more and light enough to carry for a few more miles along my journey through life. perhaps tomorrow will be the day i drop it off and “lighten my load,” as it were. 😁
today, i have legal stuff to take care of, so things can move along when i enter radio silence in Africa. i have some work to do for my employer although i will not be making it live until after i get back. just for today, i will serve my family, my Mom, my employer, my fellowship, my peers and the men who call me their sponsor. i will serve without any expectation of getting any return and be grateful, that i have the ability and the desire to serve all the above.

∞ DT ∞