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sometimes those dang online quizzes get a song in my head and i MUST go dig that song out of the archives and listen to it. yes i got 15 out of 15 Beatles songs correct from a single line, no bigs, it was a pretty easy click-bait quiz. the problem was, of course, i sang the line in my head and all of a sudden 15 Beatles songs were stuck in my head. okay, i can see the look of consternation on any face that is trying to follow this train of thought, what the fVck does an earwig have to do with learning to listen for the message, regardless of who is bringing it to the table? an excellent question and one i could not have answered five minutes ago. the fact is, UNTIL i sang those lines, i did even want to have any music playing. now i am listening to the Beatles and am glad i am this morning. often for me, it is easy to be dismissive of my peers and basically trash, argue,. judge and disrespect everything that comes after “i am and addict and my name is…”
the reading suggests that this may not be a spiritual behavior, and i cannot disagree as dismissing what someone has to say, based on what i think of them, cripples my recovery. it is quite true that someone coming back from a relapse with less than thirty days clean, may not have a whole lot of experience, strength and hope, about how to stay clean, but they certainly have [plenty to share about how they did not stay clean. ironically the harder they seem to give advice about what needs to be done, the better “negative” they provide for me on what NOT to do. i have a member of my sponsorship family, that is such a creature. he shares at every meeting and yet has absolutely nothing to say, and when i speak to him after a meeting he seems clueless that he really is sharing nothing but popcorn fluff recovery. all those trite but true clichés that are the program, his recovery belongs on a bumper sticker and it is obvious he is not willing to anything more. sadly i have only the tiniest bit of HOPE for him, as he is certainly not willing to do what it takes ➽ SIT DOWN, SHUT-UP and LISTEN.
that i am finding is the exception, rather than the rule, as most of the newest of the new, seem to be less about telling me how they stay clean and more about their struggles staying clean. there is certainly a drama queen or two, of both sexes, who really offer nothing but the mess, i mean seriously IV injection of water and you want to take a clean time key-tag ➽ get a clue. as one can see, i take my recovery seriously and am dismissive of those who do not. it is true that many of those i desire to be dismissive of, are actually doing this gig, just for today, to the best of their ability. when i focus on what they are not doing, i can end up in an empty room, with only myself to criticize. so if all i see is posers and fakers, where am i going to go, to get the NEW ideas and the NEW takes on my old ideas, that i need to stay clean today? the same source, the local rooms of my fellowship. sure there will be posers, and step-technicians, recovery tourists and the frequent relapse royalty, but there is also be real and genuine addicts who are actually living a program of recovery and manifesting symptoms of sanity in their lives. and i am not talking about those members who are the county-western song played in reverse. i am talking about those members who behaviors are changing, who are actually living what they share about and who speak to their experience strength and hope, without telling me and my peers how we should do it. honestly even the relapse royalty, falls into that category often enough, that when i am caught up in my judgement machine i miss what they actually are saying because i get trapped on their “you shoulds.”
what is it i think i NEED to take into the world? maybe, for a few minutes today, i NEED to set aside my opinions, shut down the judgement machine and see my peers, acquaintances and fellow travelers for what they: garden variety addicts, doing their best to live a program, of recovery. with that in mind, i think i will wrap this up and get on down that long and winding road.

∞ DT ∞