Blog entry for:

Thu, Oct 27, 2005 05:30:23 AM


∞ new life? -- new person! ∞
posted: Thu, Oct 27, 2005 05:30:23 AM

 

what it is that i fear the most some days? terrorism, the avian flu, global warming, creeping totalitarianism or natural disasters? no really all of those may or may not be a part of life on life‘s terms. some days my greatest fear is that the changes wrought by my progress along the road of recovery will produce a person who i do not really like. truthfully, this fear is among the most irrational of everything i could fear. the evidence is that my new life and the person i am becoming are things that i am grateful for. but still in the back of my head i remember how i never wanted to be a staid, productive member of society, i wanted to be a force for change and not just anonymous drone in an ever-increasingly materialistic consumer society. not that recovery has be dragging me towards that stodgy existence, but sometimes i see the outside trappings of my life and think i have become them. when i get thinking like that i need readings like the this morning. and the truth actually is that before i came to recovery i lived in conflict with my dream to be a force for change. i consumed, i let myself be controlled by popular culture and i did my best to keep a very low profile. even though i had none of the trappings of success, i had become my greatest fear.
since coming to recovery, i really have become a force for change. today i do have a positive effect on the world that i live in, today i possess the tools and the desire to make other people‘s lives better. today i can create instead of destroy. and today i attempt to look beyond the profane materialistic world and glimpse the divine.
rethinking that fear, i can now see how irrational it really is. i live in a whole new world, as an emerging new person and i am content that i am learning to finally be that rebel i so wanted to be. rebellion need not be violent nor destructive. the program that saved my life has created a revolution, showing me the way to affect change without tearing apart the existing structure -- and i am satisfied that this is really the path i have been seeking for some time.
cool -- i can move on to some real fears -- avian flu coming to neighborhood near me soon!
∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

letting go of the past 85 words ➥ Wednesday, October 27, 2004 by: donnot
↔ the guilt, fear, and anger that once dominated me may spill into my new life, complicating my efforts to change and grow. ↔ 415 words ➥ Friday, October 27, 2006 by: donnot
δ for me, the past is like a bad dream. my life is not the same any more, Δ 277 words ➥ Saturday, October 27, 2007 by: donnot
δ the Twelve Steps are the formula that helps me learn to put the past in its place. δ 411 words ➥ Monday, October 27, 2008 by: donnot
√ i still have fleeting, highly charged emotional memories of a really uncomfortable past √ 570 words ➥ Tuesday, October 27, 2009 by: donnot
℘ i want to look my past in the face, see it for what it really was ℘ 530 words ➥ Wednesday, October 27, 2010 by: donnot
← i DO NOT have to be controlled by my past → 572 words ➥ Thursday, October 27, 2011 by: donnot
“ my life is not what it once was and yet, ” 472 words ➥ Saturday, October 27, 2012 by: donnot
Ψ living today as the man i am becoming Ψ 232 words ➥ Sunday, October 27, 2013 by: donnot
≠ i am becoming free to find new ways to live, ≠ 563 words ➥ Monday, October 27, 2014 by: donnot
¶ living in the present ¶ 448 words ➥ Tuesday, October 27, 2015 by: donnot
❅ on being controlled ❆ 802 words ➥ Thursday, October 27, 2016 by: donnot
🍋 once the past 🍇 665 words ➥ Friday, October 27, 2017 by: donnot
🌊 the guilt and fear 🌈 490 words ➥ Saturday, October 27, 2018 by: donnot
🚔 living in a way 🚀 328 words ➥ Sunday, October 27, 2019 by: donnot
🛌 a bad dream 🚿 338 words ➥ Tuesday, October 27, 2020 by: donnot
👁 seeing my past 👁 355 words ➥ Wednesday, October 27, 2021 by: donnot
💨 freed to find 💨 572 words ➥ Thursday, October 27, 2022 by: donnot
👎 accepting 👍 440 words ➥ Friday, October 27, 2023 by: donnot
🌄 living in today 🌄 348 words ➥ Sunday, October 27, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

1) When the Great Tao (Way or Method) ceased to be observed, benevolence
and righteousness came into vogue. (Then) appeared wisdom and shrewdness,
and there ensued great hypocrisy.