Blog entry for:

as the person, i have always been, but was afraid to be. this morning, i was torn between the two topics that my daily source materials offered me: living in the present or accepting myself just as i am. as i worked out and went through my daily chores, i saw that both topics are pretty much spot on for me and decided that this exercise may well include both of them. i know that i may seem stuck on the fact that i have been freed from the prison i constructed over the course of my life, and perhaps that is the case. it certainly is one of the most exhilarating times in my life, as well as one of the spookiest. the specter of not being “enough” still haunts me for time to time, and i find myself pulling back into the façade that i used to believe saved me from humiliation. that reaction to not believing in the person i am becoming, is toxic and certainly a symptom of living in my past.
as i decide whether or not i plan on working with while enjoying a cigar and some football, there is a bit of a conscience tweak here, as i slacked off for two hours on Friday afternoon, so i actually owe those hours to my employer. strange and unusual for me, as i am usually way over-entitled about what i am owed from them and hardly ever concerned about what i may owe them. living in the here and now, i am fairly certain that i need to get this a-0screen done today and allow myself the freedom to get the last one on this ticket completed tomorrow. anyhow, my laundry is done and it is time to mosey on down the road to enjoy some football and finish my project for work. i can do both and balancing what i am with what i need to do, is not a bad thing, just for today.

∞ DT ∞