Blog entry for:

i will live this new day as the new person i am becoming, no matter how tough that may be!
this morning, i am once again working on getting out the door early to beat the rest of everyone else who happens to need to be on the road. nice plan and it seems like it is going to work out. i am, however not going to rush this particular piece of mind dump, as this is a topic that is near and dear to me. as i look at my actions and behaviors and more importantly my REACTIONS to the events of the past few months there are two emerging themes. the first is that i can see and i have been commenting on what i see in everyone else, good, bad and indifferent. the second is that i am having STRONG emotional reactions to those behaviors that i least desire in myself. my reaction to those reactive feelings is an eye for an eye, tit for tat, action. i am spinning down the same path that they are, and the end result is i am getting no better. even though getting started on my step writing is relieving some of the pressure i feel to react in such a fashion, it is not by itself sufficient to help me back on the spiritual path. i NEED to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery the opportunity to work in my life and holding on to what so and so did or did not do, is not the path towards allowing that to happen.
i know the reading is about reconciling my past with my current reality, taking the lessons of days past to become a better person in the days yet to come. the place i am having the most trouble with, is the here and now, and i know that there is more than enough evidence that all i have to do is ask to be cared for, and i will be, provided i let that POWER take the action necessary. so the negative feedback cycle begins: i let go → i hear 'not yet' → i have an unmet expectation → i TAKE action to force an outcome → i wonder why the POWER that fuels my recover IS NOT working in my life → more self-will!
back to hating my past, dreading the future and doing whatever i can to feel better, READ alter how i feel, in the here and now.so where do i go from here?
first off, i get in the shower and head down south.
then, i give my employers a full eight hours of work
the i come home and see if there is any work to do this afternoon
finally i relax being the best Don i can be.
in all of that bin let go, do what is in front of me and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to proved whatever it is i NEED today. mu job is to show up for life today, be present for what ids being said to me and live to the best of my ability and yes, do a bit of writing on my step work, as the pressure i feel, will probably not be released until that is completed.
so it is into my plan of the day i go!

∞ DT ∞