my life is not what it once was and yet,
Posted: Sat, Oct 27, 2012 08:22:35 AM
from time to time i still have fleeting, highly charged emotional memories of a really uncomfortable past. a day without computing? well almost, as this is my IPAD and although the distinction is a fine one, i can say i nearly went without computing today. the reason i brought u that particular example, is even today, after a few set of steps, i still go back into the vault and look at some of those oldie moldy memories and get a very charged emotional response. being who i am, most of the time i do what i can to dismiss or ignore the feelings, after all this is a just for today program and that was then and this is now. what i usually end up doing, after realizing that i cannot avoid dismiss or swallow my feeling, is start the rationalization train rolling. depending on my spiritual state, i end up where i end up and just like an IPAD is a computer with just another interface, my past is just my past and the emotional reactions to that past are just that feelings i need to feel and not try and avoid.
anyhow, as i sit in our room up here in Loveland, composing this little semi-random collection of thoughts, the part of my past i heard when i listened this morning was the chain of conventions leading to this one.
1998 in Greeley through to 2012 in Loveland.
each has had an effected me deeply and profoundly and this one, feels like i am learning how to be a part of the whirl and swirl of the world around me. yes it bis true, i volunteered to open the doors at my home group this morning, and that task will soon be upon me. yes it is true, i agreed to lead a workshop this afternoon, and i am grateful that i will have the opportunity to do so. most of all, what i am getting a sense of, is that i NEED to be here, i NEED to be seen and i NEED to allow others to be near me and part of my life. and i am not talking about those who are already part of me. i am talking about those who i have been keeping at arm's length for all these years. of course, i could be full of sh!t as well.
anyhow, i do have to shower, read the news, grab some breakfast and hit the road. i am grateful that i have the opportunity to be here and i certainly can HOPE that whatever i am supposed to learn over the course of the next 30 hours or so, i can let in. once more dear friends into the breech!
anyhow, as i sit in our room up here in Loveland, composing this little semi-random collection of thoughts, the part of my past i heard when i listened this morning was the chain of conventions leading to this one.
1998 in Greeley through to 2012 in Loveland.
each has had an effected me deeply and profoundly and this one, feels like i am learning how to be a part of the whirl and swirl of the world around me. yes it bis true, i volunteered to open the doors at my home group this morning, and that task will soon be upon me. yes it is true, i agreed to lead a workshop this afternoon, and i am grateful that i will have the opportunity to do so. most of all, what i am getting a sense of, is that i NEED to be here, i NEED to be seen and i NEED to allow others to be near me and part of my life. and i am not talking about those who are already part of me. i am talking about those who i have been keeping at arm's length for all these years. of course, i could be full of sh!t as well.
anyhow, i do have to shower, read the news, grab some breakfast and hit the road. i am grateful that i have the opportunity to be here and i certainly can HOPE that whatever i am supposed to learn over the course of the next 30 hours or so, i can let in. once more dear friends into the breech!
∞ DT ∞