Blog entry for:

perfectly pure motives will certainly delay living my recovery. yes, i would love to get the guidance that if my motives were not perfectly pure for everything i planned on doing today, to roll on over and go back to sleep. in lieu of restating the obvious, i can state i am no spiritual giant and probably never will be. i am a human being and a recovering addict, sainthood is not part of my resumé. which brings me around to an interesting conversation i had yesterday, but first a bit of a digression:

Derek W,
Twelve (12) years clean!
Your presence in my journey
has certainly been welcome. Keep Coming Back.

back to what is on the top of my mind. i certainly find it interesting when those who are not addicts, describe their experience with helping those who are. at times in the conversation with my friend yesterday, i wanted to say, just because you used and once had a physical addiction, does not make you an expert in leading an addict to a program of recovery. what got me the most was his insistence on this being a matter of “willpower.” falling back on the dogma i have adopted, i see that i used that statement to instantly throw him over the wall into the other 85%. there and then, i became closed-minded and defensive, especially as he went on about how self-centered and self-seeking addicts were. i had to remind him, that as an addict, i knew all about how much damage i caused, hoe self-centered i was and that the end result was i would have sacrificed anything on the altar of my next “get high.”
in my TENTH STEP last night, it came to me that what i said, while technically correct was not presented in the most palatable manner to my friend and probably came off condescending and arrogant. he is, after all, doing his best with what he has and his journey to getting and staying clean has never required that he stop using all substances. he can have a glass of wine, every now and again without having a needle in his arm tomorrow. i, on the other hand, do not even wish to try that little experiment, as i can already see that ill never be enough. he is doing his best to understand what he cannot and i have to stop shooting the messenger and encourage him in his effort to assist his friend uncover the facts of life. it is a good day to be clean and this addict has more than a bit of gratitude that there are some over in the other 85%, who are at least trying to get me.

∞ DT ∞