Blog entry for:

...on my more questionable motives. the result? i do not get perfect, but i do get better. yes, i will never probably be a saint or any sort of spiritual giant, but i will act on my less than savory motives less often. so as i sit here bleary-eyed and hungry, waiting for the lab to open so i can get some blood work done, i am struck by the simplicity of the reading. while my motives for anything i do are mixed at best, that does not mean i stop living, serving, going to meetings and so on. nor does that mean i rush out and buy that toy whose one time limited offer is about to expire, although today, after deferring that gratification all week, i just might surrender and drink that particular KOOL AID.
the beauty is that i have a choice, and while my motives may or may not be the purest in any sense of the word, i can choose how i behave today. one of the gifts that i am really grateful for these days, is the freedom that i have received from acting automatically in the manner i always have acted. my motives, may not be any more pure when they were when i walked in here, at least deep down, but i would like to think i have made some progress towards the spiritual ‘giantness’ of the spirituality continuum. i do know, that if the past six months are any indication, those who assume they know me, and how i will act, react and behave in any given situation, ware going to continue to be in for severe upsets of their worldview apple carts. and those who have walked through the changes with me, and have modified their assumptions to fit the new reality are going to be continually pleased by my progress. fitting my behaviors to my motives is probably not the task at hand today. living outside the fantasy i created and coming back to the reality of life in the world, is probably more apt. i am going to do my best to act on my higher motives today and see what happens, it is after all time to EAT!

∞ DT ∞