Blog entry for:

more than likely, i have mixed motives behind almost everything i do. so it is really nice to hear that someone with a few months clean, likes to hear that someone like me, with some years clean can have a bad day, act out or have mixed motives for what i do. there was a time in the not so distant past, when i would have never let on that i less than perfect. honestly, living that lie was the loneliness part of my recovery. after all, if i want to look perfect, i have to keep my distance from everyone, lest they see the truth. today i am, quite content to show my true self, and i am coming to believe that because i do so, i GET to be a part of this rowdy, chaotic and boisterous fellowship that provides me the means to do things like take off work this morning and head on down to Denver to bid farewell to a sponsee, who just never GOT that he was worth more than a needle and a nod. his demons have been put to rest and they will never bother him again. my concern, is what am i going to say, to those who ask questions like did i reach out? or when was the last time i heard from Marc? i hope i have the presence and the grace to be tactful as well as truthful, as those two ideals need not be mutually exclusive and yes, i want to look good to the members of his family as well.
anyhow i need to get rolling a bit early today, as i have to earn a living as well. it is a good day to remember that although my motives may not ne pure, i can still do the next right thing!

∞ DT ∞