¬ lie back, gather my thoughts, and consider my plans for the day ¬
Posted: Sat, Feb 27, 2010 09:16:12 AM
if my motives are not entirely pure, roll over and go back to sleep. man, oh man, what a loophole. i get a pass, provided by my program of recovery if i am not some sort of modern day saint, I LOVE IT! only in the bizarro world suggested in the reading this morning, unfortunately i do not live in that alternate universe, i am not a saint, and even on my very best days my motives are mixed at best. MOST IMPORTANTLY that is okay.
as i walk along the path of recovery, getting further and further away from that fateful day i decided that this was the path for me, and that day was not my clean date, i understand that being human is okay, i understand part of the human condition is that i do things for various reasons, and my motives mat not be altruistic, or even good 100% of the time. i also understand, that IF i practice a program of active recovery, they get closer to getting pure, but just like in math there is a limit to how pure they can get and i will always have mixed motives for most of what i do. there really is no smoke and mirrors here, although i would like to put some in place, saying stuff like unless i get a sign i am moving forward with this or that because i KNOW it is the next right thing to do.
so what does this mean for me? am i doomed to act-out of selfish self-centered motives like some self-absorbed dweeb the rest of my life? the answer to that question depends on my spiritual health on a daily basis. maybe yes, maybe no, but one thing is certain, if i connect with a POWER that is beyond this profane world, the chances are better that my motives are going to be more pure than if i do not. so, as i was distracted this morning while making that attempt, i will do so as soon as i sign-off and move forward into my day. i do have some stuff to clean-up, i do have things that need to be done, and i and willing to be present for what is going on inside of me as well as outside of me, so i can move to whatever that next right thing happens to be. so ta-ta for now and i will be back again tomorrow morning for yet another installment of this brain dump.
as i walk along the path of recovery, getting further and further away from that fateful day i decided that this was the path for me, and that day was not my clean date, i understand that being human is okay, i understand part of the human condition is that i do things for various reasons, and my motives mat not be altruistic, or even good 100% of the time. i also understand, that IF i practice a program of active recovery, they get closer to getting pure, but just like in math there is a limit to how pure they can get and i will always have mixed motives for most of what i do. there really is no smoke and mirrors here, although i would like to put some in place, saying stuff like unless i get a sign i am moving forward with this or that because i KNOW it is the next right thing to do.
so what does this mean for me? am i doomed to act-out of selfish self-centered motives like some self-absorbed dweeb the rest of my life? the answer to that question depends on my spiritual health on a daily basis. maybe yes, maybe no, but one thing is certain, if i connect with a POWER that is beyond this profane world, the chances are better that my motives are going to be more pure than if i do not. so, as i was distracted this morning while making that attempt, i will do so as soon as i sign-off and move forward into my day. i do have some stuff to clean-up, i do have things that need to be done, and i and willing to be present for what is going on inside of me as well as outside of me, so i can move to whatever that next right thing happens to be. so ta-ta for now and i will be back again tomorrow morning for yet another installment of this brain dump.
∞ DT ∞