Blog entry for:

ever become a spiritual giant, BUT, just for today, i can see myself more realistically and accept the progress i have made. yes it is true, i just fell back on that meme of **progress not perfection.** the fact is, something has been gnawing at me for at least the past month. i thought it was step work languishing under an inch of dust. writing out my assignment, and doing the drive-by with my sponse, however did not relieve the internal pressure, but it did pop those off the stack to get to the root of my winter of discontent. when i went to the little meeting on the hill, last night, i felt comfortable puking it up and voilà, the pressure that was building up inside of me, and giving me the justification to act-out in a passive-aggressive manner. <BOOM> i feel better this morning. the root cause has not been removed, but i am not bottling it up inside and that can be dealt with, in its own time. sometimes a bit of honest sharing, in a safe place is all this addict needs, and that reminds me:

Derek W
11 years clean, or in Just for Todays: 4017!
I am glad i get to be a part of your journey

so i have to run and get some coffee before reality sets in, BRB.
back in the saddle again! this morning, i know that waiting for my motives to become “pure” is a fool's errand, i can however ask for a bit of guidance from my peers in recovery and from <GASP> the POWER that fuels my recovery. whether or not i chose to “listen” those voices is yet another question. this morning, now that i feel a bit more settled, i can accept that if i allow myself the freedom to feel, i can accept, rather than fight, what is going on inside of me.
well, it happens, i got off whatever train of thought i was on, by multi-tasking. with that thought in mind, i guess i will leave this rambling entry, just as it is and get back to what my employer expects me to do, namely MY JOB! i am good today, despite the less than adequate amount of sleep last night and the joys of home ownership. i am far too tired to be anything but grateful that i have the ability to do what is needed and maybe, just maybe makes cigars and a meeting tonight to help the addict mentioned above celebrate his clean date anniversary. time will certainly tell.

∞ DT ∞