Some memes

principle of anonymity does not mean losing my individuality, in anonymity, we are free to be myself. the only problem i have with that, is that after decades of hiding who i am from the world around me, i am not quite sure how to be me. it is true, however, that i am no longer driven to “read the room” and “play the crowd.” it is also true that across the course of the past five years or so, i have been coming to grips with who i am and have more than a clue about how to interact as myself with the world around me. i certainly am a better fit in my own skin today, even with my nasty bits showing and as i learn how to practice sincerity and humility in their proper balance, i am sure i will get even better at being myself at all times.
so i have come to a turning point when answering my new found txt buddy. instead of commenting on what he sends me, as i have been struggling to do, i have decide to reply with what i got out of what he shared or the source material from which he is haring his thoughts. i have found that when reading his stuff, i think way too much and get all sorts of critical about how he is missing the point. what i have been missing is that based on my own experience, i may have and almost always do, a different take on the exact same material. i did not get clean to stop critically thinking, although that almost killed me, way back when. no one told me that i had to adopt their opinions lock, stock and barrel. nowhere in the literature does it say that IF i do not think in a certain manner, i am doomed to fail. what it does say is that we have never seen an addict fail, who lived this recovery program. not quite a promise and certainly could be seen as a dire warning, as i took it to be.
there is a cynical streak that is a hue part of who i am. i know many of my peers seem to always look on the bright side of life and for them, that just may be who they are. when i fell into recovery, i believed i was defined by my cynicism and took great comfort in the fact that no one told me to become a “Susie Sunshine.” i know that active addiction honed that cynicism to a sharp weapon to keep the world at bay. as i stay clean and get to figure a few things out, i no longer require the ways and means to protect myself, even though allowing myself to trust strangers, has once again cost me a bucket of money. the lesson i am taking away from that experience is to trust and verify in the real world, taking a beat to consider if what i am being offered is too good to be true. what i know, for certain, however, is that my recovery and what i have received as a result, is certainly too good to be true, but i have yet to find the fatal flaw that will floor me. the only catch i have found, is that i have to live the program, every single day that i make the choice to stay clean. just for today, that is more than alright for this addict. 🤗

∞ DT ∞