Blog entry for:

painful area is all that was in printed form, when i got clean. since that day, there has been more written, but what it comes down to is that this addict did not know the first thing about how to do relationships, romantic or otherwise, way back when.
after my first workout outside since Sunday, i came back to one of my most challenging relationships, a co-worker who just does not get what we do and how we do it. more often than not, he makes decision based on flawed assumptions and when he does ask questions, it is always seem to be one i answered before and he should know by now. i get so frustrated with his lack of understanding and live in abject fear waiting to get pinged on chat or worse yet, being asked “let me know when you have a minute.” my fear is all about how i am going to “handle” him and not about him at all. i really and truly want to be a “team” player and my boss has noticed that i am doing better being patient and tolerant with him. unfortunately i am discovering that my well of patience and tolerance is hardly infinite and i get testy and short, ending up with me having to apologize for reacting to his idiocy. worse yet, when i do tell him something, he ignores the vital one-third of what we just went over and i to constantly check his work, finding sub-par, more times than not. i often wonder about the cliché GOD never gives me more than i can handle, as i am about out of being able to handle him.
the fact that i care about my interactions with him and do my best not to grind him down into dust, just to get him out of my life, certainly speaks well of this program of recovery. back in the day, i would have advocated for letting him go, regardless of the consequences. today, i actually am trying to mentor him into being part of our team, as futile as that task feels on most days. today i want to respect and honor him, even when i feel he is not worthy of either. today, i want to build a relationship based on trust, rather than fear, but i feel most of the time, he is afraid to ask the important questions, because i have been so dismissive on the trivial ones.
yes there is still work to do and even though the reading was all about romance and the relationship i have developed with my partner over time, i can honestly say the amount of work i have to put in to keep that loving, viable and equal, is far less than the effort i have to put in to my relationships at work. i guess that too, speaks well for the recovery program i live these days. just for today, i will be the best i can at all the relationships i stumble across in my life.

∞ DT ∞