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this is a wonderful topic that i have been dealing with over the past couple of months, both on a personal level and inside the local fellowship. while i would love to gripe and whine about the chaos romance has caused in some of my outside relationships, i feel that this forum is to deal with my problems and not those of others, suffice it to say that some of the the chaos caused by fellow travelers and their need to have romance instead of recovery has caused me to rethink and change some of my long-term relationships.
for me, i can state without going out on a limb, that forming and maintaining a healthy romantic relationship has been one of the most exciting and challenging aspects of my recovery to date. finding a way top balance both my personal life and my life in recovery has been difficult and at times quite frustrating. although, i am still quite uncomfortable with the intimacy required to allow my romance to continue to grow, i nevertheless do what i need to to show the true me to my partner in this relationship. i am still also uncomfortable with the demands on my time that having a romantic relationship entails, and i often take out that frustration on my partner. and most of all i am struggling to break free of the patterns of behavior that i have learned over time: people-pleasing, passive-aggressiveness and the need to be in control.
i know that if i continue to grow and allow the process to work that, in time, these issues will resolve themselves and i will have to deal with a whole new set. but the catch is that i have to continue the journey through recovery and continue to do my best to balance the demands of a romantic relationship with those of recovery for this to happen. and at least for today i am willing to try.
∞ DT ∞