Blog entry for:

today i am moving forward with my life and have made a decision or two about what i will accept and where i will place and enforce a boundary or two. i am not happy that i had to go through such a rude awakening right now, but it probably is as it should be. i now understand why i have to place my recovery before everything else including my love life, my friendships, my family and my belief structure and that is once again what the reading said to me this morning. and i have been pondering what to post since i moved into today.
there were actually a few different choices i could have made and the stainless steel wall of isolation allowed me a moment or two to contemplate my reaction to what i find unacceptable in me. i could have taken my irritation, run through the laundry list of perceived damage to and polished it into a nice juicy resentment and pitched it with all my force to insure i had at least one harm to make amends for. i could have taken it and swallowed down again, and allowed to fester until i got to the resentment portion of my upcoming fourth step, so once again i had at least one resentment to look at. but instead what i choose to do, is examine my part in the whole affair and do what i can to let go of my irritation and move forward with my life. after all it is all about me anyway!
so exactly where am i at today? a little sad that i still have to withdraw to get perspective, a little remorseful that i had not dealt with myself as i needed to before this, happy and relived that i do not have carry this particular piece of baggage any longer. i once again feel in love with the program that gave me this new life, and am almost excited about what the current process will bring, well at least not as afraid, life is far too short for me to live in FEAR of what recovery will bring!
∞ DT ∞