Blog entry for:
Mon, Dec 6, 2021 06:45:35 AM
💥 a daily reprieve 💥
posted: Mon, Dec 6, 2021 06:45:35 AM
from the horrors of the part of me i call addiction, is all that i have, no matter how long i have been clean. i may have to admit when i am wrong, but i do it, even when it is not the message that is the issue, but the how that message was delivered. this morning after having to give a “proper apology” to one of my peers, i wonder how i got so far off the rails. i could chalk it up to the stress in my life, working to keep my job, dealing with aging, mine and my family members or a hundred and one different ways that life on its own terms shows up on a daily basis. when all is said and done, it boils down to forgetting that i am an addict and as such, i do not always react or respond in the most healthy or spiritual manner. so i muddle through things the best i can and clean-up in the aftermath, when i have screwed the pooch as it were.
i am finally getting to the place where i have swept the detritus from my side of the street, by taking ownership for my actions and closing down the responsibilities that leaving something behind, needed to have done. i am at the point where i sent out my request for a new service opportunity and have cut my strings to my old position and let go all that is going on, over there. i would have loved to stay and fight that battle, but due to a “sick” relationship with winning and losing in that arena, i had to step away. that decision, as hard as it was to make, was the start of a path towards sanity in my life. where once living a life based in rationalizations, justifications and self-will was comfortable, i can no longer stay there for very long as my dang recovery journey has removed that comfort.
being okay with living in a newish reality, where i may no longer be defined as “THE H&I GUY,” may take a bit of getting used to, but i will endeavor to persevere and become whomever i will become. i am okay with what i had to do over the weekend to limit the part of me i call addiction from destroying the life i have in the service of the fellowship that is my home. it is a great day to walk in the light of FREEDOM from active addiction and accept that i have to do what i need to do, to stay there, just for today.
i am finally getting to the place where i have swept the detritus from my side of the street, by taking ownership for my actions and closing down the responsibilities that leaving something behind, needed to have done. i am at the point where i sent out my request for a new service opportunity and have cut my strings to my old position and let go all that is going on, over there. i would have loved to stay and fight that battle, but due to a “sick” relationship with winning and losing in that arena, i had to step away. that decision, as hard as it was to make, was the start of a path towards sanity in my life. where once living a life based in rationalizations, justifications and self-will was comfortable, i can no longer stay there for very long as my dang recovery journey has removed that comfort.
being okay with living in a newish reality, where i may no longer be defined as “THE H&I GUY,” may take a bit of getting used to, but i will endeavor to persevere and become whomever i will become. i am okay with what i had to do over the weekend to limit the part of me i call addiction from destroying the life i have in the service of the fellowship that is my home. it is a great day to walk in the light of FREEDOM from active addiction and accept that i have to do what i need to do, to stay there, just for today.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
2) There is an originating and all-comprehending (principle) in my
words, and an authoritative law for the things (which I enforce).
It is because they do not know these, that men do not know me.