Blog entry for:

and linchpin of my ongoing recovery journey, even when it feels as if he is a S.ponsor I.n N.ame O.nly. it is true that as the years roll up, i speak to my sponsor, less and less. the song and dance i use to justify this behavior is a two step process, there really are no **biggies** for the most part in my life and he lives so far away. both are not very sophisticated lies, as there certainly are **issues** he can help me address, and i pass through his home town, at least once a month. today, as suggested by the reading i will reach out to him and see how he is doing. what i am wondering more and more these days, is whether or not the time has come to find a new sponsor, closer to home and one who i actually spend time in meetings with, on a very regular basis. that way, at least i can remove my last excuse for not being a better sponsee.
what triggered this whole bit of soul-searching, was the annual arrival of an evangelist recovery tourist, at the meeting last night. although i have my opinion of what and who they are, they bring with them the condescending pitch from the fellowship they choose to hide out in. where, once upon a time, i took great pleasure in counting the number of times they said the word “like” in their shares, last night i found myself closing my eyes and asking for tolerance, while they prattled on about what “we” needed to do, to get what they have. it truly made me grateful for how the rest of my peers shared last night, as they seemed to move out of cliché-land and into the real world. yeah, i am a HUGE judge of the content i hear my peers sharing and although i am getting better at “listening,” instead of “convicting,” i still have a miles and miles to go.
as i step out into the real world today, i will carry with me the notion that when all is said and done, i am not the best judge about what is and is not correct. i certainly make a bad jury as i am riddled with bias and prejudice and when i swing that ax to execute someone, i probably am really chopping off my own head. remembering that, might make my drive into work a bit lighter, because as i said to my peer the other day, most of what i observe is probably wrong, as usually i lack the context of the situation to draw rational and sane conclusions. my own words have come back to haunt me, so perhaps that means i NEED to heed them and move on.

∞ DT ∞