Blog entry for:

a spectator sport, i get out of it what i put into it. a year ago, the source of this exercise, came off as preachy to me. at that time, my Mom was on her way out, my niece was in the process of alienating all of the rest of the family as she stole from my dying Mom and i was preparing to climb to the top of Africa. i had little time to look at myself and consider the level of participation i had in my life or my recovery program. this morning, i wanted to stay in bed all day and had absolutely no desire to sit and listen. i got up, and i did meditate, even though i did not want to do so. i am grateful that my intellectual self, overruled my emotional self in this instance and i had the time to truly consider how i participate in service to my fellowship, my employer, my family and my community.
where i was a year ago, could certainly be used as an excuse as to why i was unprepared to consider the nature of how i participate in my life. i prefer, however, to leave at i was in a place where the last thing i wanted in my life was someone, ,even the fellowship i have come to trust and have faith in, telling me what to do. today, i read that same material and even though i would have preferred to sleep in and then do absolutely nothing as i skated away through this day, i did what i always do, put my program of personal recovery first and my desires into second chair. when i came to recovery i was all about taking care of all my desires first and foremost. as i stay clean and live a program of active recovery, i can see that behavior almost killed me and while having desire and fulfilling them is not necessarily a bad thing, it cannot, at least for me, right here and right now, override my desire to live a program of personal recovery.
yeah, yeah, yeah, i am so great, Blah, Blah, Blah! 🤣 🤣 🤣
i am not really that super spiritual or any sort of recover guru, but i can certainly i get into that groove at times. the truth is, i am a simply another pwerson in recovery who is doing his best to thrive. in active addiction i got by, by doing what i could to avoid participating in the world around me. a year ago i was overwhelmed by the events of my life and wanted to crawl into a hole and just disappear for a week or so, a human enough reaction to the events of those days. today, i may not want to do the needful, but i will because i have FAITH, that doing so, will do more than just get me by. i have eveidence that living a life as a participant in all phases of that life, is exactly the next correct thing to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞