Blog entry for:

not care for myself, is a sorry state of affairs for this addict, and just when i thought i was unable to take another minute of living a life in recovery, my sponsors, provided me the strength and wisdom to carry on. i arrived at such a place last night, as i am already getting weary of caring for my parents and beginning to feel “put upon” and carrying a weight of responsibility, i was coming to believe i could no longer bear. the state of current events plays into this weariness more than i want to admit and i welcome the day when the peaceful transition of power will occur. i know that i have been far too political in this space lately and this morning, after a trek around the Rec Center indoor track, i am finally reaching a state of acceptance over all the events that are driving me to distraction. it just may be the endorphins kicking in, but i am going to go with that feeling and allow myself the freedom to be freed for as long as i can.
getting back on topic, i did not call my sponse when i was feeling “out of sorts.” i did, however, take his suggestion and worked a bit on my current assignment. as i sat this morning, i realized that i am living in a sh!tload of unmet expectations and as usual that is not working very well for me. as i prepare to wrap this up and attend my home group, i have to state that even though i have trouble seeing the challenges in my life as “fVcking opportunities for growth,” that is exactly the path i need to travel today. my parent's current crisis will pass, i will have my job through the end of June, my fitness program will continue to sustain my emotional and mental health and things will be okay. i might even reach a place again, where i feel as if i am thriving. i may not b e getting any richer, younger or smarter, but at least for right now, i am taking the suggestions from my sponse and not wallowing in a cesspool of self-pity and angst, just for today.

∞ DT ∞