Blog entry for:

so this morning as i sit cleaning up after the totally crappy day i had yesterday and not looking forward to what my commute may look like, i have a moment to breathe and look at what is really important, my relationship with others, especially with my sponse.
i certainly do not call him often enough, just to say hi. i am terrible about letting him know that i am slipping into a funk. and i have treated him like a garbage can, more than once in my relationship with him. each year, when this reading rolls around, i go through a similar litany of my sins, resolve to do better and move on. today will probably be a bit different, as i am not going to try and resolve that which cannot be changed. yes, i will do my utmost to be a better sponsee, but resolving to, or making promises i will more than likely not keep, is not what i am about today.
moving on, i will give my sponse a call in a bit. i will strive to let him know my current spiritual state on a more regular basis and i will forgive the men i sponsor, for falling into the same traps as i do.
so yesterday was one of the worst days in my recent existence. no i did not get Ebola, mock the prophet, fall prey to addiction or have a meteorite crash down upon my head, BUT nothing went as planned. as i walk through this morning, it is a wonder i had any experience, strength or hope to share at my service commitment. i was tired, frustrated and yes even a bit put out at the powers that be, that prevented me from meeting my expectations. and yet, i went to bed clean, satisfied that although my day was rough, i did all i could do, to make it less so. this morning as i cleaned up my final tribulation from yesterday, i am grateful that i was not on the other end of the phone call that started my day. i ws not the one who called my former sponsor and was incapable of putting together an idea or two, in any coherent manner. i was not the one who was desperate for a way out. and i was not the one asking for someone, anyone to make a decision for me. the truth is, it certainly could have been me, and i am grateful that i have not had to go down that route for quite a few days in a row. i am clean today and my plans do not include a stop at any sort of place to procure anything that will start that process over again. as i told the men i was with last night: for me, even legal substances will lead me to a life where i will be the one wearing someone else's underwear and walking around in shoes that have no strings. as i prepare to get rolling here at work, i am grateful that i DO have a new wy of living that keeps me from becoming what i once was, a using addict.

∞ DT ∞