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and i have become a mature, responsible, confident individual as a result.
well maybe a bit more mature, confident and responsible than i was even a year ago. and as a result how do i express my gratitude to the man who has been instrumental in my growth into this new individual? well i rebel against every suggestion he makes, i slink around avoiding him when i am not doing so well. i go for weeks on end without calling him and when i finally do call him, i usually have to dump a whole bunch of garbage. not exactly the manner in which i would want to be treated and yet i think nothing of behaving this way, most of the time. no shame, no guilt just an uneasy feeling that perhaps i need to be doing something more but i ignore that feeling and it quickly passes. after all, this is a program of learning to stand on my own two feet and take responsibility for my life and my behaviors. so ignoring my sponsor until i ma in dire straits is the manner in which i need to live, or is it?
truthfully, i am glad this reading is part of our literature to remind me that although my sponsor has one of the most difficult tasks in the world, guiding me through my recovery, he too is human and has feelings and probably would appreciate an expression of my gratitude and love, every now and again. i need to acknowledge that i did not arrive at this palace along my journey of recovery by myself. i had lots of help and more than a tad bit of support. it is true that Carlos does not give me the answers i seek, but he does ask those heinous questions that force me to formulate the answer i have always known by piecing together the information that i already posess. he does not babysit me, but probably would if i needed a bit of babysitting. and he was there in one of the darkest times in my recovery to remind me that no matter what, no matter how bad i felt, no matter how tempting escaping my grief appeared, i did not have to use anything at all.
so what action will i take today: finish my languishing fourth step, call my sponsor and thank him for being a part of my recovery, life is too short to miss any opportunity to express my gratitude and love, after all who knows what tomorrow will bring!

∞ DT ∞