Blog entry for:

for this addict to make it through the twists and turns life throws at me and that way happens to be, staying clean, no matter what, just for today. today has not started out to be my best day ever, but at least i am not going to run around screaming about how terrible things are, nor am i going to stop by the local purveyor of adult substances to exercise my rights as a person over the age of twenty-one in the state of Colorado. instead, i will take a minute, breathe and move on. one thing i have learned in the past two days is that some of those who purport to run a “FAITH-based” program, are not very happy to be called out on their lies and hypocrisies. in fact they will tap-dance, deflect and purposefully misread what is written to defend themselves against having to peek at their part. let me perfectly clear, this is not about any one religion or its adherents and i will not use the brush of my less than stellar experience with a few people, to create a stereotype that fits all that share a particular spiritual path. i will take what i have learned and chalk it up to perfectly human traits, as i too, am not fond of having my trespasses pointed out in blunt language. i can say this though, when confronted, they accused me of accusing them of hiding behind their FAITH. what i said was i had higher expectations from a FAITH based program.
as what i was trying to do, has taken longer than i expected this morning, i need to wrap this up quickly. it is a fact of my life that relapse is always an option. no matter how long i have been clean or how many trips through the TWELVE STEPS i have take, that option is always present. i do not float on some sort of “cloud” nor am i immune to the disappointments that present themselves on a daily basis. i do however, do my best to live a program of recovery and as a result, have the time to pause and reflect before i reach for the “nuclear” option. just for today, i will walk forward remembering that when my deeds do not match my words or what i purport to be, i too, am a hypocrite that deserves to be called out in no uncertain terms. i, too, need to step out from the shield of my FAITH and accept responsibility for what i have done, rather than tap-dance, deflect or try and change the definitions of the words being slung at me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞