ยซ i thank the POWER that fuels my recovery, for a program today ยป
Posted: Sat, Mar 3, 2012 09:47:15 AM
no matter how attractive, relapse is not the way out. regardless of the challenges i may face, i will face them with the HIGHER POWER of my understanding.
the irony here, is that i have finally come to terms with the relapse of a sponsee, even though he almost has 60 days clean again. sometimes i am a slow learner, but one thing that i was not slow at, was how to do this gig, day after day, no matter how much it seemed to grind me down. as much as i want to believe that this is my doing, and for a large part it is, i know that the POWER that fuels my recovery is THE major reason that i have not used after a few days clean. it is that POWER that gives me the power to stay clean and i is that POWER that provides me the opportunities i get gifted on a daily basis, and yes today is one of those days where the “G” word sticks in my craw, but this too shall pass. oh the whole irony. so i have had a simmering anger, that bordered on resentment for the past 60 days over the acts of a sponsee. he of course, did not listen, ignored my suggestions and was smack dab in the middle of self-will and of course in my opinion, still refuses to get a clue about that. or that was my opinion until i was driving down to work yesterday, letting my mind go where it will, and i realized that i cannot self-will him to be clean, to look at himself, or to even get a clue. it is not my failure that is evident here, but his. it is not what he shares in common with my other sponsees who have relapsed and walked away, it is about what he wants to do and how i can help. all of that and more, my stuff in this, is it is NOT a reflection on the quality of my program, unless i make it so. it is however, a reflection on his.
so i ran today, and now it is time to head off for my Saturday meeting, rest assured, i KNOW that using, while always an option, is one i choose NOT to exercise, just for today.
the irony here, is that i have finally come to terms with the relapse of a sponsee, even though he almost has 60 days clean again. sometimes i am a slow learner, but one thing that i was not slow at, was how to do this gig, day after day, no matter how much it seemed to grind me down. as much as i want to believe that this is my doing, and for a large part it is, i know that the POWER that fuels my recovery is THE major reason that i have not used after a few days clean. it is that POWER that gives me the power to stay clean and i is that POWER that provides me the opportunities i get gifted on a daily basis, and yes today is one of those days where the “G” word sticks in my craw, but this too shall pass. oh the whole irony. so i have had a simmering anger, that bordered on resentment for the past 60 days over the acts of a sponsee. he of course, did not listen, ignored my suggestions and was smack dab in the middle of self-will and of course in my opinion, still refuses to get a clue about that. or that was my opinion until i was driving down to work yesterday, letting my mind go where it will, and i realized that i cannot self-will him to be clean, to look at himself, or to even get a clue. it is not my failure that is evident here, but his. it is not what he shares in common with my other sponsees who have relapsed and walked away, it is about what he wants to do and how i can help. all of that and more, my stuff in this, is it is NOT a reflection on the quality of my program, unless i make it so. it is however, a reflection on his.
so i ran today, and now it is time to head off for my Saturday meeting, rest assured, i KNOW that using, while always an option, is one i choose NOT to exercise, just for today.
∞ DT ∞