Blog entry for:

it is funny that one of the lines in the reading this morning was about picking out a divorce lawyer the moment we start to like someone. why that is so ironic for me today, is that the ghosts of relationships past have me looking to the day when my current relationship falls apart. and of course i have been exploring a few things to allow that to happen, sick as i am, i never consummated any of those destructive acts. i really do want to be more than i ever was and i really want to move forward with my life. what the reading says to me is that it is not only possible for me to move forward but highly probable, if i can learn to let go of my past and stop projecting into the future. the process of learning how to live in the NOW is inherent in working the steps. i have made my all the amends that have been possible to make. what is probably happening is that i have yet to complete one of the most important amends the one to myself. the time has come to let go of who i was and allow myself to see who i am. this is really about forgiving myself and accepting myself as i am now. i am missing so much of the joys (and some of the pains) that process of moving in is creating that i am sort of numb and have been for the past two weeks. i am afraid to feel what is going on and believe that if i find outside distraction all of this will be done and i will be there and able to deal with my new situation.
HAH!
i want to let go of the crap and be here now. the time has come to forgive myself for the behaviors of the man i was and let go of controlling who i will be. i can be okay in the here and now at least right here and right now, and with that i will step forward into my day!

∞ DT ∞