Blog entry for:

Tradition One certainly are a good fit, when i consider how dependent i am on THE fellowship and its members for the life i have been given. because of this tradition, i know that i can attend any meeting of this fellowship, anywhere in the world and hear a message of recovery that is universal because of the unity of this fellowship. these days, supporting that united effort is something that is auto-magic for me, even when i may not agree about how to best carry that message. i know that when i sow confusion and chaos in my dealings with my peers and the service structure, i am far from surrendering and often i have to ask myself whether or not this is really something i need to fight tooth and nail for, or if i would be better served, working to alter what others may be proposing to create a compromise.
this morning, however, what popped off the stack was not surrender, unity or Tradition One. what came bubbling up to the surface was my interactions with the world outside of my recovery bubble and the feelings i was attempting to deal with, as a result of those interactions. i can say, overall, i have been doing pretty damn well. while it is true i have been brusque, short and annoyed with my family members, i have yet to actually cause any harm. i actually want them all to go away and come back later when i have things figured out, but i know that will not be happening. what i have to achieve is moments of tolerance through believing that they too, are doing the best they can with what they have. i need to accept them for who they are and remember that they too are dealing with the death of my Mom and for some of them, it means a severe lifestyle adjustment. unlike me, who just has to keep plodding away at doing the next thing i am allowed to do, with her state of affairs. i am getting the opportunity to deal with a bit of patience and i am wearing fairly well. could i be doing this better? of course i could be, but i am not going to allow myself to beat myself up for not doing everything that is currently on my plate. i am down to one box of paperwork to sort through and determine what is recycled, what is shredded and what i need to hold on to, at least for right now.
as i prepare to change locations for my morning work, i know that i owe the dawg a walk as i slept in this morning and did not allow her, her daily constitutional. i also know that i have to listen carefully to what i am told this afternoon, with regards to the part of my Mom's estate that has been left to me. i also need to allow myself the freedom to feel what i need to feel and be patient, tolerant and accepting of those around me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞