Blog entry for:

i was hoping to have a bit of peace and quiet when i went up to take over as care-giver for my Dad, unfortunately, that was not to be, as the household is now all awake and demanding my attention, and i am more than a bit ticked-off. i guess my expectations not being met s the least of my concerns this morning. in fact before i roll into how i guard my recovery:

Nathan W.
NINE (9) years clean!
Congrats, and keep coming back

now that i have given myself a minute to accept the reality of what is, i can move on. i am in a very stressful situation with my aging parents and not quite sure what direction i need to go in. i have one that requires my attention and care and one that demands that i do for them,what they are capable of doing for themselves. i am back in that judgement place this morning, so once again, i have to take the time to let go.
as someone who is quite certain of what he is, an addict, i have done my part in letting my support network know what i am feeling and what i am dealing with, these days. the emotional upheaval of being present as my Dad fades into the sunset, piled on top of the emotional rubble of my step work, feels overwhelming from time to time. right now, i am confused and certainly ready to lash out and i am getting some “interesting” txts from someone who may still call me his sponsor, but i am not sure of that relationship. i now know what that is about and will not play that game with him. it is interesting that as he is less willing to work a program, more than interested in applying his personal power in another situation. when i consider what is occurring at my current location, i see that i want to play a similar game. My Mom''s chief enabler had to “drop by” because she paid no attention to what was sent up the food chain. one frustrating event after another and my Mom is waiting for me to “ask” her IF i can serve her breakfast. this morning i am not playing that game either. i am not her servant and will not allow her to treat me with that sort of disrespect. my life is full enough with what i HAVE to do and what i CHOOSE to do. to clear my head, i think i will take a quick walk around the block and maybe head over to King Soopers to get some ENSURE for my Dad. no matter how much i feel sh!t his morning, i will not use, and i will remember my recovery is more important than my itsy-bitsy feelings.

∞ DT ∞