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between Step Eleven and Tradition Two, is not a connection i consider very often. this morning, however, when forced to look at it, i can certainly see that the connection i create daily in my morning routine certainly affects how i walk through each day and how i use my voice in group conscience. i have, more than once been a disruptive, loud, arrogant and abusive voice in that process, as if i forgot how i started my day. my passion for what i see is the program, often overwhelms me and i certainly get carried away. as i age in the program and mature emotionally i am beginning to see that i can retain my passion and present my opinion even if i vehemently disagree with what is being put forward for discussion. it is that elusive principle of balance that i need to allow myself the option to exercise.
yesterday, i almost got trapped in the expectation of someone else. i did not extricate myself very well, but i did free myself of that obligation. i wanted to say “who the fVck do you think you are?” i chose instead to walk away and let them stew in their own juices. this is not the first time i had to set a boundary about what someone “believed” i “should” be doing for them and i am quite sure it will not be the last time. as dependent as they happen to be on the kindness and attention of others, perhaps they will take this opportunity to be a bit more proactive and actually ask if i can plan to take them where they need to be. it certainly is not my job to keep track of their appointments, but it is my job to make plans to assist them when they give me enough notice. some folks just do not get that i have a life and that life sometimes precludes dropping everything and hopping on their “needs” train.
moving in to the here and now, i did not excuse myself from my drive into the office today, as much as i might have liked to do so. it was longer than usual and had more than a few self-absorbed, over-entitled drivers along my path. interestingly, i gave none of them the middle finger salute, but i did chew the hell out of my cigar. i am not sure if that is a healthy manner in which to deal with that stress, but it was enough to allow me to keep my cool and not try to be the first on race day. i arrived on time and in a mood that is more than copasetic to deal with what may come in the office today. on that happy note i am going to refill my coffee cup and get busy doing my stuff, i am after all willing to take care of my bidness this morning.

∞ DT ∞