Some memes

and taking pride in contributing my best and then letting go of the result. that has not always been the manner in which i lived my life, much less how i behaved in situations that required collaboration. in fact, i was always right and died on that hill more often than not. since my early service activities were all about being larger than life and having more influence in a fellowship that values anonymity, i am still paying the price for that hubris, or at least it still feels that way to me. what it is coming down to these days is that when i am a part of a group decision making process, i have to allow myself to be give my best and see where it goes. that speaks to my seed and now i can move on.
although anonymity and participating in my fellowship was how i entered my void today, i was not what i heard as i returned to my morning routine. this morning as i perused the news of the world and sat with my coffee, what i felt was a sense of contentment. not about the state of the world, that did toss a wrench into my bit of sanity. my spiritual state was centered in what i am doing in real-time. i have let go of presenting solutions and moved into a state of listening to the angst that my struggling sponsee is experiencing. i feel that i have not been actually listening and have been saying do this or that. i finally have come to the realization that i cannot change how he sees his life, but i can listen and ask what, if anything i can do to help. that is part of doing my best and letting go. i cannot walk in his shoes, even if i think i have been there and done that, which is not even close to reality. he has stuff going on and it is certainly weighing him down. what i see now, is that i do not need to add to that weight with the weight of my suggestions.
as i walk through what i think i need to accomplish today i also need to take care of myself and be present for my spouse. she has a project in mind and i have been a bit less engaged than i could have been. i know that in the long run, i will have to live with the results and i may not share her enthusiasm for the project but i do need to be part of that process, anything less will build resentment on my side, as i may be less that pleased with the outcome. once again coming back to doing my best and being conscientious.
just for today, i can stop and see where i may not be living up to doing my best. my life is good and i know i have a tendency to just “get by” at times. i do not want to be life adjacent today, i want to be a part of living the life i have been given.

∞ DT ∞