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frustration, and anger are certainly feelings i seem to have on a daily basis, even when i was using. in fact those three seemed to dominate my emotional world. getting clean and living a program of active recovery does not change that fact of life, BUT it certainly provides me the ways and means to accept them as part of what “may” across the course of a day living in the real world. what i am really having trouble accepting is why someone would flat-out lie to me, even though they know that more than likely evidence of the truth is going to be revealed within minutes. once again i walked out of a personal encounter frustrated and angry that someone would choose to lie, rather than do something for themselves. when they play the martyr and seem desperate for my approval, i want to slap them around and tell them to get up, get a life and stop pitying themselves for the consequences of the poor decision making process in the past. nothing is written in stone, until it is put on a headstone, and that day has yet to arrive.
the “nice” part of being in recovery is the terrible trio i led off with, is mostly a small part of the range if feelings i have on a daily basis. life, for me anyhow, is not some onerous task i have to steel myself to endure on a daily basis. in fact most of the time, i am quite content with where i am and where i seem to be headed. facing what may come down the pike today, is not a task i dread and even though my life is far from “picture perfect” i do not need to dive into substances or behaviors to dull the feelings i may be having. learning to take what comes is certainly part of my progression from active addiction into a life of active recovery.
over the past week or so, i have received two “cold calls” from recruiters, one of which seems to have a position in the pipeline for me. yesterday i told my lead that if offered an extension, i would surely accept, as i have reached the point in my contract when i need to start to take care of myself and seek my next position. it is odd that i am halfway through a commitment and am already seeking my next one, but that is how it goes in my industry. i feel as if i am too old to be playing the contract game, but i also see it as a way to reduce my debt and get out of the workforce a bit earlier than planned. i am far from certain as to what i would do next but i do know that just for today, i can accept what comes down the pike. today? a filling replacement in my mouth, a return call to a recruiter, work on my projects at my current employer and check in on my Mom. what feelings any or all of those activities may bring, are no longer something i concern myself with, prior to the actions. i know that i am honestly facing my day, attempting to accept what comes and being okay with however i feel, just for today.
THE TERRIBLE TRIO BE DAMNED! 🤨

∞ DT ∞