Some memes

means taking responsibility for the choice of how i use my limited resources. limited resources? more than once in my life i have stumbled over this constraint. in active using it meant doing what i needed to do to get those resources and much of the journey down that road was not legal, moral or ethical. of course, i could justify away those concerns with a flick of my wrist and once i got what i wanted i was good to go. even better if i could get high afterwards and then any “silly” objections i may have had, vanished into smoke. when i was clean and merely abstinent, it may not have been about using, but i still found myself up against the wall of limited resources and i attempted to self-will my way through. successful, i was not. that did not mean i did not keep trying. responsibility was still not part of my working vocabulary.
when i finally stopped fighting what i was and what i may need to do, responsibility and limited resources took on a bit different meaning. it did not happen overnight and responsibility did not become the first thing i thought of, when i thought of fulfilling my dreams and taking a stand for my beliefs. as time wore on, i saw that what i believed in was worth standing up for and taking the responsibility to do that, was worth whatever resources i needed to use. i have found that foremost in those resources are the spiritual principles i practice in as many of my affairs as i can. i never seem to run out of spiritual principles, but i do have limited time, money and desire. it is the desire piece that trips me up. i have had no desire to write out my FOURTH STEP until the past two weeks and found all sorts of ways to distract myself from that reality. now that the reality is that i have the desire, i am still trying to find the ways and means to say i do not have the time. ironically, i had to make an appointment with my sponsor to get moving on what i know is the next correct thing for me to do. sometimes, despite myself, i have to move forward by scheduling something.
today, well today i know i have to fix the urine damage on my front lawn and find a solution to keep the disrespectful dogs off of my lawn. i know it is not the dog's fault, but if i can force their instincts to pass my lawn by, even better. as i come to the end of what happens to be on the top of my head, i know that just for today, i can be okay living within my means and not whining and complaining about that fact. i have the ways and means to be comfortable today, stand up for what i believe and when i get to work, remember that i am not selling cigars, i am selling comfort and customer service.

∞ DT ∞