๐ though the symptoms ๐
Posted: Tue, Dec 23, 2025 10:59:54 AM
of addiction may not be as acute at a given moment, i never stop needing to participate in my recovery. i have placed my peers on pedestals and i, myself have found myself on one, more than once. respecting the recovery of others and wanting to emulate how they live, is one thing, but more than once in my recovery journey i have allowed myself to be intimidated by clean time, service positions or social standing in the group. of course, once i did that, i was sorely disappointed when they revealed how human they were. the lesson i learned, as painful as it was, was that in the fellowship, no matter how “well” someone may appear to be, they like me, are only human and are recovering addicts, we are all dimes after all, to use a well-known trope.
moving into how this concept applies to me, i have the tendency to believe my own story and when my ego is stoked by others complementing me, i can go down the rabbit-hole of thinking i am much “better” than i really am. in my recovery journey, i have always had a complex relationship with what others may think of me, complements and my own reaction to both of those factor, when i respond. for a very long time, i minimized and diminished complements as the cloud of the lie under which i lived, told me that they had to be mistaken and if they only knew who i really was …
as i continued my recovery journey, i moved into a place of “false humility” behavior that consisted less of minimizing, but led to the world of “buts” and “if onlys.” not a big step forward, but certainly a significant one. it set the stage for my final transformation, once i finally realized who and what i am.
these days, i have reached the point of having little concern of what others may think of me and knowing that i am only human, with all the foibles and failings of being human and unable to ever realize the expectations i d=brought with me, into recovery. it is quite true, that i am may be the man i always was, but that man has learned to be comfortable just as he is and the parts i am less comfortable with, may be morphed through the daily application of an active program of recovery. just for today, no matter what others think of me, i need to be true to myself and open about where i am in my life and how i am feeling.
moving into how this concept applies to me, i have the tendency to believe my own story and when my ego is stoked by others complementing me, i can go down the rabbit-hole of thinking i am much “better” than i really am. in my recovery journey, i have always had a complex relationship with what others may think of me, complements and my own reaction to both of those factor, when i respond. for a very long time, i minimized and diminished complements as the cloud of the lie under which i lived, told me that they had to be mistaken and if they only knew who i really was …
as i continued my recovery journey, i moved into a place of “false humility” behavior that consisted less of minimizing, but led to the world of “buts” and “if onlys.” not a big step forward, but certainly a significant one. it set the stage for my final transformation, once i finally realized who and what i am.
these days, i have reached the point of having little concern of what others may think of me and knowing that i am only human, with all the foibles and failings of being human and unable to ever realize the expectations i d=brought with me, into recovery. it is quite true, that i am may be the man i always was, but that man has learned to be comfortable just as he is and the parts i am less comfortable with, may be morphed through the daily application of an active program of recovery. just for today, no matter what others think of me, i need to be true to myself and open about where i am in my life and how i am feeling.
∞ DT ∞