Blog entry for:

through life*s storms, is once again, something i did not believe i needed, in fact, i was certainly of the type that took each setback as a major affront to me and battled with tooth, claw and nail, to get through it. i never imagined sitting still, allowing the storm to pass and then go pick up any of the damage it left behind, no i was proud of my battle scars and how “strong” and resilient i could be in the face of adversity. then, of course, came the events that led to my life being turned upside-down and led me into the rooms of recovery, still battling the elements, but playing a role to get rid of my babysitters. ironically, as i stayed clean and started to see that i was not unique or different from those in the rooms, i began to wonder about being so rigid and stiff and if surrendering to the fact that this shit comes and goes, i could find a manner of living that did not require my abject battle-ready attention.
leaving the past behind me and coming into the here and now, what i heard this morning is that i am still playing battle-hardened veteran when i think i am correct and someone else is wrong, at least at work. i have to go back on a project that i detest to make changes i feel are not necessary. or at least that was my attitude before i spoke to someone who actually uses the tool. it sucks as i though i had an elegant solution to the mess that took me weeks to complete and this seems to be my role, to dive into the hard crap and maybe get a little break between the shoals of difficult development projects. i need to work right now and i also need to fins the ways and means to be more flexible at work and take criticism better. this is certainly an area of my life where a bit of flexibility would be called for and one that i need to find the ways and means to implement.
well, it is time to get rolling into the rest of my day. i can and will be flexible through whatever comes today and learn to stop, allow the storm to pass, and see where i can start to pick up the pieces. it is a good day to be looking for a different manner of handling the situations i find a bit daunting and living through them, better than i was before, just for today.

∞ DT ∞