Blog entry for:

have to deny reality to have hope or gratitude, even when i am plagued by the discomforts of life on its own terms. i have been way over-thinking this whole estate thing and as i get closer to the end of the big lift, i see that most of what i was worried about was more than likely much ado about nothing. stuff is progressing and the final obstacles to turning over the house my parent lived in for nearly fifty years, are getting resolved. i know that enabling my niece to use her grief to justify not getting on with her life, was probably not the act of kindness i told myself it was, it actually prevented her from moving on, because she was not forced to do so. it is true that she made her choices, but i enabled her to make more than a few poor ones, IMHO. be that as it may, i have HOPE that she will get her act together and not fall down into the pit of despair many addicts who do not want to clean, find themselves in. i am grateful today, that i can see my part in all of that and not beat myself up about what i did or did not do.
sensing a change in my spiritual weather, as i approach another anniversary of the morning i became part of this world, i feel a bit more whole and certainly can look at things a bit differently. unlike one of the men i sponsor, i need not take things literally when something is mentioned in a figurative sense. pleasing those in my life by honoring and respecting them, is not “people-pleasing” in any sense of the term. of course, if i am doing so, to manipulate them into taking an action that i desire, well that is certainly a horse of a different color and falls squarely into the latter. even that behavior, which i am well-practiced at, falls by the wayside when i remember that i am worth more than having to seek approval from those around me. the gratitude i feel when i let go of having to be something i am not, is overwhelming at times. i may not live in a state of constant HOPE and gratitude, but on a daily basis, i get to be a bit less cynical and pessimistic, when i stop looking for the what is wrong with me and seeing what has been corrected through the application of a daily program of active recovery. it is a good day to be more than merely abstinent, just for today.

∞ DT ∞