Blog entry for:

for what they are and letting them go, is the path to freedom for this addict. time and again, i have done my best to lie to myself about this one or that one, only to find out later that across the years i never did resolve them. living under the weight of one or many resentments for decades on end, is not a path i recommend to anyone else, even though it was the path i took to get to where i am. the irony of carrying that poison for so long, is that the person i resented had absolutely no clue. of they knew what they did and when confronted about it, after my last FIFTH STEP, they tap-danced and attempted to gaslight me by saying they had no idea how anyone else knew, even though they were the source. it has only been since my Mom has died that i have actually entered the process of forgiving her, especially after seeing how alone and lonely she was in the end. her caregiver finished the job my Mom started years ago, of putting a wedge between herself and the world around her. at least she got her wish and died peacefully at home.
this morning, as i prepare to suit up and head on over to my home group, i feel grateful that i can forgive the both of them, although i probably need to say, at least i have entered the process of forgiving the two of them and i no longer need to resent either one of them, for they are and were who they are, and it is not up to me to foster my niece's entry into the real world.
looking at the weather report this morning, i am uncertain how and when i will meet my step goal today. that is my reality and as the day winds down, perhaps there will be a gap large enough in the inclement weather that the dawg and i will both get the exercise we need. it is true, i will not die or use if i fail to get the requisite number of steps, but i will obsess about meeting that goal and do what i can to achieve it. pretty petty and minor thing to worry abouyt these days, and i guess one might say, that is a gift of doing this just for today gig, for a few days in a row.

∞ DT ∞